Past.

2011-10-12T18:07:00.002+08:00

hi! good evening. it seems like forever since i update on my blog. life seems pretty down. i got no one to blame but myself. i choose this way of life and i must accept the outcome no matter what it is. im matured enough and my age is old enough for me to make my own decisions. sometimes i wish i can never grow old and face with lots lots of problem. the most suckiest part is, im facing it alone and i got freaking noone to turn to. so what i do? i do thinks that i don't expect people at the correct mind would have done.

i know, i hurt my both my parents so bad. but they have never given up on me. but still loving me and treasuring me as though im such a precious gems. at times i hate myself for hurting them each and everytime. i hate myself for choosing this path of life. no one would have understand me and the one who could understand is in the same position as i am. we are helpless.

at times i would think to myself, isn't it easier to just waste one life away. end everything,closed eyes, last breath. but i still do have faith. i still do have a religion. at times i tell myself, im not strong to face this, to go through this all over again. then i think back, then whats the whole point of having a religion and faith? whats the purpose. yes, life may sucks right now, but its all because im doing something that is not good that is why all the bad things are coming back to me, in a way or another.

i leave it to him, Allah to put things for me. for now, i raised both my hands and ask for forgiveness. :'(

2011-10-02T20:06:00.002+08:00

so many things happening. i don't even know where to start to. but nothing changes, it still sucks to bits. can't do anything but just stay one put and cry my heart out.

i was really hoping for some changes in my life. i was hoping. but .. things happen but fortunately i didn't make any stupid decisions. i thank god for that.

haiz

:D

2011-09-18T19:49:00.002+08:00

hello im back. i know i have not been updating this dusty blog of mine. blueek. =p
ouh yes, i have found myself a job. a job which suits me and i love the job. although it doesn't sounds good or people may think otherwise but i know, me myself i love this environment and i love my job. firstly theres no pollictics and everyone treat which other like siblings. =D

well, thats about it. i will update more later on. hee. ciao!

2011-09-05T20:02:00.001+08:00

i think its been a month plus since i have updated this blog of mine. as i have promised to myself, no matter how busy i am, i will never abandoned this site of mine. never. (:

stay tuned for juicy stories. (:

Two-Faced.

2011-08-15T17:50:00.002+08:00

i will try my best to make this entry short and simple as im killing for time. bf is in the cab on the way home and once he reached home, i will be away from this notebook. so here's the thing.

bf's younger brother is married and his wife is such a two-face bitch. and she dare teach her daughter who is 2 years old to called me a bitch. like wth right? ofcoz she does not dare say it directly to my face,what can i say? no guts.. she thought i was sleeping. and as u know, me & bf call each other "b" . so her daughter happens to call me "b" too. but she was like.. "no,bitch" . yes, she thought i was sleeping. well, _|_ her. they wanted to go out and was making alot of noise. shouting and crying. and as u know,im a light sleeper. which means what a little noise i made, i will be awake from my beauty sleep. i didn't mind u know. but till to this extend of teaching her daughter to call me a bitch? i think its fucking too much.

i know you guys might be confused. so let me briefly explain to u how it is..
Bf's House, we will call it HOME A. whereas her mom's place, her own flash & blood mom place,we will called it HOME B.

as u know, she and her husband were being kick out from this house(HOME A) last year. but they came back staying here because we FORGAVE them. but i think they will never learn from their mistake. i meant, something is wrong with her right? even her own flash and blood mother kick her out of her place(HOME B). thats why she is here at HOME A again. bitch? hahaha.

and ouh yes, she's only 27 and has 5 kids. and her life is a total mess. as in a real mess.

u see the thing about her, she's a divorcee(sp). no, im not looking down on divorcees(sp). just that this one is getting on my way. so as i was saying, she's divorced with 3 kids from her previous marriage. and so she met my bf's brother and got married. with objections from both side of family.

she loves making pitiful stories about herself. making everyone think that everyone else was bad. well, guess what bitch, i see your through colour. go ahead and make everyone hate me, but do remember, karma's a bitch..it will come back to you sooner or later. (:

anyway at the midst of updating this 'takberfaedah' entry, bf just came home and yeah, i need to be away from notebook. so, see u when i see u.

*toodles*

i can''t believe im wasting my time and squeezing my brain to write an entry about her. well, i just want people to know, that this kind or people does exist and is still exist. so beware..and watch ur back.. some people just can't acccept the fact that they are born losers and will try all ways and means to make people feel like how they felt. blueks.

you will never get to me. you will never break me. NEVER bitch!

(:

2011-08-12T05:50:00.002+08:00

Hello Good Morning. probably wondering why am i up at this hour? as per normal, i need to stay awake so later on i can wake him up. watching my Hell Kitchen Season 2 right now. i have already watched the whole season 5,6,7 & 8. haha. and i realise one thing, as Gordon Ramsay gets older, he looks alot more grumpier. haha. so by looking at past season Hell Kitchen Season, i get to see him looking HOT !!! (: and thats for him ! YAY!

i need to go geylang serai tomorrow to change the Wujud Dvd. it can't be played on the deck. cocked-up i think. singapore production,what more can i say & expect right? argh damn! the alarm for the handphone just went on and i think it wakes up everybody in the house. :(

cranky dunny.

theres alot of things i wana say. but i just can't because anyone can bunp into this space and read off everything. that will never happen. not in a million years. im gonna get it privatised soon. well till here then i blogged again. gotta get ready.. *toodles*

bored.

2011-08-09T04:25:00.002+08:00

well hello. good morning. its been awhile since i last post an entry. well been so busy. looking up for jobs with my current state. well atkeast, im still here, alive & kicking.

so yeah, Ramadhan is here.good month to do good deed. (:

soon its going to be hari raya. time past by on so damn fast.and the next thing u know, its already a new year.forgodsake, im already 22 sia. i feel so old like seriously.

ouh,i have watched Captain America & Rise of the plane of the ape. haha! and i have been to Fish Spa. u know the [;ace where u put ur leg in the water and all the fishes come and bite off the dead cell on ur skin. i wasted my 15 bucks okei. because frankly i thought the fish were small fishes but when i w=already paid, i saw the fishes and i was like 'OMG' so big sia.

bf as usual doesn't want to give it a try but i force him too. in the end he's doing the theraphy all alone. i freaked out because it was disgusting and then all the fishes went to his leg. haha. serves him right.

yes, we also went for the chines physician(Sp) massage. haha. i thought it was a good relaxing massage. but then after the china woman started to do her 'thang' i regret okei.i kept on telling her to stop what she was doing. damn painful but the after effect of it was superb ah sia. i sleep so nicely. and my body felt sooooooo good i swear. (:

we did alot of fun things together.and later on we still have not decided where to go. but what i am sure off is i want to watch the fireworks tomorrow. =) but i still not yet buy the digi cam thus the lack of pictures in my blog.

ouh before i forgot, i actually did a draft the other day in microsoft word but its not yet finish and the first part of the post is already so long. and you know, once u start to type there will be no ending, there is sure story u wana type somore. whether or not the english is broken anot. haa. so like this? typical ain't i? but oby once u stop on the entry, promising urself that u will continue on it and post it one day which will never happen,never in a million years. haa.

currently im so addictedd to Hell kitchen by chef gordon ramsay.ouhmy, hes old but hey,hes hot.lol.its only because youtube being a bitch erm no i meant the connection or maybe the reception its always lagging and then it hangs. fucked up.i fell like banging the netbook on the wall.i meant i spent my two days pay on this stupid broadband which the person at the shop tells me that its good and the internet connection is fast. damn, i know i should have not believe them. liars.

i think i will stop here. i want to continue watching harry potter and ofcos googling over gordon ramsey on hell kitchen. haha. toodles. =)

Broken Angel

2011-08-04T21:49:00.002+08:00

i choose to update my blog last so i won't have any destruction to destruct my attentions away. i break ifhtar with the parents just now & it felt so sayu. maybe its also because the fact that nenek & wak minah was also sitting the same table as us. iman went to his rugby trainning whereas bik yah is still on duty. somehow, i could feel someone presence. him. yes, arwah atok. i missed him. period.

i know bulan ramadhan is the month that they will come back & look at their loved ones. hais. i don't know. i feel like i don't belong in this family. i don't deserve to be serve good. i feel like punching my face a million million times. enough of the sentimental part. (:

life has been good. struggling, yes, but been coping well. im being loved by my loved ones & what more do i need right? yes. (:

(:

2011-07-26T17:02:00.001+08:00

well hello. here i am writting down an entry. probably everyone behind me looking on what i am typing. damn, it feels freaking awkward ok. boyfriend's @ workplace so it give me the chance for me to update an entry. argh, i know everyone is after this compy. but no no, when im at home. this is mine. well atleast till i get my ipad. (:
tak cerewet okei, ipad2 also can.

ouh yes, u guys know how my family work about right? every 6 months or something, its either we go on a vacation or daddy will buy new eletronic gadgets or stuffs like dat then all of us will have a nice meal together at a fine restaurants. i meant, i have been to concorde , mostly hotels when i was young. i ain't bragging but like what i say, this is how my family works things out. "bonding."
i really miss those times when we went vacation to the finest beach resorts. "seteammed.." jack the feeling. i wish there & then i can stay there forever. but u know reality always sucks. hee.

damn it la. i got no freaking freedom sial. i mean i have only been here like a week once. aku nak main computer pon ader orang kacau. macam ninabu kan. sebok siak. rumah aku nie ader wireless & by the way, kau ader laptop pe, main jek la aper yang ader dulu nanti besok luser aku tak main, bleh la kau main sial.
ahh sebokkk ah.. pergi mampos la sial -_-"

i didn't meant to sound so violent. i am sorry. durgh. =_="

i think i shall end my entry here. because of you-know-who by you-know-what.
_|_.

love.

2011-07-22T19:37:00.002+08:00

well hello. so guess who's back? im back. back again. hi~! hi~! & i could not have been much happier putting up an entry here. because my dream is somewhat to become a famous blogger. you just wait & see what i can do. so yes, sit & hold tight.

before i start to rants about stuffs, here's a little bit of my picture. latest i mean. remember i use to be that fat girls that whine about everything? well, not anymore... here i am now.. (:

there's a tagboard by the side. please do comment aites. (:
haa! i don't even know anyone reading this. blargh~ T_T

so there they are. a few of my pictures. once i buy new hp, perhap a good one, i will upload more yea?

time

2011-07-16T22:28:00.002+08:00

well, its been since so long that i update an entry. i understands that its not the "in" thing nowadays. everyone's into either facebook or twitter. hmm, because its fast? i think. but somehow i still feel that we need to take a break from our busy life to actually stop & seat & think back of what we have done for the past one week. that ain't too much right? i mean, noone is going to read this stuff im typing anyway, so im taking my own sweet time to type this down. my used to be blogger friends, some does still blogs but no no tagged board huh to comment on how much i appreciate it. wasting time? erm, nopes for me. =]

i have always have this dream of writting a book about my life. my wonderful exciting life but then i wanted to change it to become a movie but then i change my mind again to make it into a drama, because yes, you know, of all the shit that happen in my life. & sometimes, i just feel like screw-ing it you know. just feel like wanting to give up everything. but i know, i know, someday i will make it on top. i just have to strive for it. just give me time yaw.

okei, i guess thats it for now, for today. am gonna continue watching Hell Kitchen Season 8. Its just gets better okei. lovelove. yes, u silly ppl, thats the reason why its Ira Ramsay, he's my idol. he make it big. people look up to him, scared of him respect. well atleast i don't need people to scared of me, atleast respect and look up to. i know i don't have a beautiful past, but i wish, im someone idol later on in the futre. wish me luck. much love.

tata. night

yes.

2011-06-06T18:55:00.002+08:00

thank god i have already changed the email for this account. the reason i wasn't updating was because i can't logged in to my account because my previous email was hacked. so i did a new one. wee.

i can't describe how happy i am now. and i know it will only last for awhile but then again, enjoy while u still can right? btol btol btol. & yes, i will be updating regurlarly because i already own a netbook & i am so happy. although its second hand & being passed down but im still grateful okei.

ouh well, will update till here. toodles.

Burden.

2011-05-08T22:05:00.001+08:00

Heyy hi. Atlast! Hee. Zam bought me a new handphone and its in pink. I know im so blessed. Envy me. Currently watching Si Capik with him. Theres so many things i want to write down here. Every single thing that happen to me . Ouh yes, i have turned 22 already & its nothing great i swear. When you grow old you will realise there's more burden for you to carry. Sucks much ? Well you have to deal with it because life simply sucks. Haiz. I guess you will see me more often on twitter&facebook. Everyone's there now, who doesn't ??

well hello.

2011-04-11T15:10:00.002+08:00

i wanted to post a full entry actually but i realli don't know what should i type when this page appear. theres so many things i wana share and pour it all out but for now im lost for words. =( i know know blog scene is so dead. twitter & facebook is so in but i can't denied the fact that i loved blogging so much. i have been blogging since i was 13/14 years old & that was like 8/9 years ago. many things have happen in my life & i nvr fail to type the happy and sorrows moments and i have make quite a few friends during those blogging days. & i treat them like my own. i swear. (: anyway, nowadays layout all so boring ehk? just choose a simple one. heee. hmm, ouh yes, this may we will be getting our growth & share $$. dammit okei, dearest bf get $800, whereas i will be only getting $600. i still am at lost whether to buy myself a notebook or iphone 4? how lehhhh? i, lost for words. but its a conferm dat dearest bf getting his bike license. hee.

.

2011-01-19T16:14:00.002+08:00

well hello, good afternoon. im rushing back. dropped by ghim moh's place for awhile because ibu text me just now saying that she already bought for me the LongChamp Coach bag. & im so excited okie? she bought for me 2. one is in pink & the other is Black. im still waiting for my LV tote. perhaps my birthday then i get. (:

i have yet buy a new pair of shoes and contact lense or specs. :(

tau nak blanje jeeeeeekkkk.. kejer tanak. hehehe. i know im blessed. i thank god for that. & ouh yes yes yes, bf says he going to buy for me the Guess Bracelet. Awww. i shall just wait & see okei? but on the very top of my wish list is IPHONE 4. i know i should have slapped myself for losing my iphone last year. its not only a month old, i already lost it. mom & dad didn't believe me. & when i asked them to buy for me a new hp. they bought for me LG. LG pon LG la. atleast better den nothing. nasib baik pakai line. so thats the reason now why you ppl see me so often online. heee.

k la. i think im off to bedok back. (:

hopefully i get to meet Makcik Fyda. Gadis Menawan Okei~!

i love him.

2011-01-13T22:59:00.002+08:00

well hello. i donnoe where i should start. my heart is breaking into pieces right now. no, it has got nothing to do with the boyfriend. but our family. his mom, my parents, smua mcm one kind okei? like *tooot*. i just can't stop crying. im so angry. im so sad.
but i really thank god for bringing him to me. haiz.

6 more days to our 1 year 5 months anniversary. wee.
i love u; zampendek.

im Sad.

2011-01-08T02:34:00.002+08:00

Well Hello. . using my hp to type down an entry at this hour. My little brother playing the comp. Thats the reason. Aku da malas la nak gaduh gaduh dgn dia pasal nak main comp nye pasal. gua tak kuase babe. lantak la.

anyway theres a reason why i wana blog at this hour. told yeah just now that im hungru right?so i decided to cook maself cupnoodle. than nenek choose to wake up that moment. she came up to me kat first living room than she told me who i was with? i was like huh? than she told me she saw me with a little girl holding my hand. i was worke up la. hey!im scared ok. i told her not to talk rubbish and yes i was angry at her. i dont know whether shes telling the truth or she just attracting attention.im angry at her but at the same time im angry at myself for being angry at her. i cried. it hurts ok. my nenek. shes my everything. always siding me,protecting me,pampering me.

senang ckp,those who know me personally wantr my grandma to be their own grandma.my nenek,shes the best. haiz. she can nvr nvr see me sad. i wisg she was the old her man. tears flowing down. nenek,ira syg nenek. I remember texting the boy the other day "shes my everything.2nd is u.i dont ever want you to both to leave me b4 i leave u."

haiz. frens, u will only realise that,as u get older life gets suckier.u just got to be farking live with it. haiz.

Im Back~

2011-01-08T00:24:00.000+08:00

Yes Yes Yes. i have decided to blog back. and and and i know that somehow i can get paid just by blogging. will research more about it later on. and once mom & dad buy the laptop/notebook for me already, i will start. right now kinda busy cos we moving house. -.-

boyfriend's over @ workplace. i miss him already sia. LoL. paderhal everyday we will be meeting. but what i just post at my facebook. it seems that nowadays all we do is fight. i told him about it just now & when he look @ me, he looks sad. aww~ i feel so bad everytime i swear & curse him. -.-
but whateva it is, i know he loves me. its already 1 year and 3 months since we have been together & i know that instead of feeling bored, i fell inlove with him more.
k nie part meluat. k stop.

tomorrow saturday. guess i won't be going out anywhere far. bf got to work @ night. so i guess just hang around at home. (:
right now i don't know whether should i go over kak ina's place which is @ commonwealth. nak lepak ke tanak? but quite far. macam malas pon ader.

hmm, im so hungry right now.guess will be cooking nasi goreng for myself later on. -.- i don't have the skills to blog already sia. macam smua aku type takder link. lols. padehal dulu lancah siak blog. agaknye da lamer tak skolah tak. wakakakakang.

k la nie budak gemok pon nak main comp kan so nak kasi dia... apaper carik ira kat facebook jek okei.

byebye. goodnight.

I Try Ouhkie. . .

2011-01-06T02:23:00.000+08:00

Well Helllo.. lemme see aye where should i start. . .

so i have decided to try bloging back. its been like 8 years ago that i have started blogging. shits happen. i had to leave so i choose to close down. i just do bloghopping nowadays. & reading other's blog makes me wana go back bloggink. so here i am.

things for me and the boyfriend is like so so great. it has never been better. although its normal for us to bicker at each other. but truth remains that we just love each other to bits and pieces. we say things we didn't meant. who doesn't right? and if nothing happen, we are going to the next level this year. *Hip Hip Hooray Kan?*

theres alot of things i wana blog but i don't know why i feel like jumpy like that.
maybe im too excited and i can't wait to tell the whole world that i have started bloggink back. wakakakang.

hmm, i will post pictures yeah.
anything just leave ur comments @ the tagboard.

(:

Haha. Nie Namernyer Malas. (:

He Say I Very Smelly.NB! hahahaha!

*BOOP*

Haaaaaa~!

*Touch Up..*

Halfway done because he say very painful.yes. -.-lembik.

thats for now. i wana go sleep already. waking up early tomorrow to go for the job interview. i wana work already la. i soooo bored sia sit @ home. duit masuk tu masuk la. but i wana earn my own money jadi aku tau betape perit nyer kalau nanti nak belanje.

(:

2010-07-18T01:18:00.001+08:00

i love you. bye.

2010-07-03T00:03:00.000+08:00

somehow looking back the picture of past reminds me of the happiness & the sorrows that i have gone through. be it good or bad, it still makes me a wiser person & became who i am today. i miss those days, those care-free days but now? theres no freedom for me. nak keluar singapore? fat hope la kan.

had a very short meet up with the tangkis & reny yesterday night. i don't really know whats the planned actually. end up meeting them @ CCK mrt then took the cab off to Boon Lay Place than guess what? i went back home. yes, i felt guilty cos i didn't tell the boy i was going out. second reason : i feel so out of place if boyfriend is not there right beside me, called me ngade-ngade, thats the true fact. & thirdly ntah, macam kekok ah. the initial plan was to go karaoke i think. but something came up, i don't know, they didn't really tell me. & i don't really care or bothered anyway.

reason going out yesterday night was for me to actually try to adapt being away from the boy, but hell, i can't. i miss him so much. haha. and i am so happy today is already tomorrow. get it? haha. & i can actually get ready now & go meet the boy. but, i choose to sit infront of this lappy for awhile to update my rants.

ouh yes, GST Offset Package, guess what? i have to wait for mine for another next 3 working days. power keper. the boy already finish off his money i think. LOL. nevermind, nevermind... atleast we can have some money for later use right? haha. padehal aku tak sabar sabar sei nak belik hp. what a luck. tu la, padan ngan muker aku. wakakakakang.

its only 9 plus in the morning. & im quite surprised today is actually friday. ntah la, feel very different. nowadays, time passed very slowly gytuk. u realised anot? or was it fast? haha. ntah la kan. as soon as i get myself a hp, going to find job liao. anykind of job la.. most probably, balik factory.. minah kilang pon kilang la.. asalkan income masuk suahhh.... (:

till here...

chaOw Chin cHi..~*

2010-07-02T09:17:00.000+08:00

You Know Its You.

2010-06-14T11:30:00.000+08:00

10 Months Bby.

didn't think that we can come this far. all the obstacles that we been through, or should i say, i have been through. all those shits u throw @ me. how i suffer almost everyday. but never did once i complaint. yes, i may never be perfect in one eyes. & i was never a beauty queen like those u have been with & dated. but im sure, i have love you with all my heart like no one else did. i tolerate with ur nonsense like no one else did. i endure the pain & from what i believe in, Patience Is Virtue.

bby, it did pay off well. i have managed to break those stone heart of yours. & whenever nowadays i cry, i will be seeing tears flow down as well. i know there & then, that i have managed to win ur heart atlast.-finally. im not trying to bring ur ego down or whatever, but im what im trying to say is, i have never love a man like i loved you. & i have never been loved like how u love me.

bby, thanks for everything. although life was never easy for us. but we survived bby. we endure. & after this, taking the next level will be different. but we choose, to make it better, or make it worst. so which is which?

i just can't wait for the day u put that ring on my hand.

i love u mohd nizam. forever & ever.

2010-06-10T14:38:00.000+08:00

da bilang eyk, badan aku takder perasaan. haha!

theres alot actually to update. but i guess i will only do some. anyway who reads my blog nowadays right? im always on the move so its hard to really get hold of me.

like right now, i am supposed to get ready to go to my old workplace & collect my pay then off to Bedok's place. boyfriend coming back from work @ 5 later on. & he already warn me not to to be late. yelar. member nak pergi tengok Karate Kid.

im so excited okei. haha. okie laugh at me for all you want cos i don't really care. anyway, my mp3 okie already. that means no more boring rides to & fro bedok & ghim moh. yipeee!!

i really need to find a new job. i wana work. aku da bosan ah sak. i really cannot tahan already. no income. fortunatle by the end of the month government kasi duit. syukor alhamdulilah. atleast dapat jugak ku jamah duit government. i already know what i want to buy. Nak belik handphone. frankly speaking, im still not over the fact that i lost my iphone. i feel like killing maself really.

till we meet again la. bye.

No One Can Replace You Bby.

2010-06-03T20:15:00.000+08:00

I don't know why, but as days passed by. it seems so hard for me to let go of my bby. even if its for awhile. we are so used to being with each other. & i swore i never love anyone as much as i love the boyfriend.

im glad that boyfriend is already thinking of going to the next step. i know, i shouldn't have put my hopes high yet. but i trust my dear boyfriend. & i love him so much.
i got nothing else to blog about.

i think this will be the last post. i guess i won't be updating anymore. take care & have fun.
btw, i found this over @ Boyfriend's Brother Facebook. I found it cute. haha.
Bby, I Love You la Sayang...

nampaksah kan bby uchuk aku tgh mengumpat.. :)

2010-05-27T11:02:00.000+08:00

bby. i wanna us to stop fighting.
bby, i wana us to stop tis thing that we are on.
bby, im so sick & tired of this life. bby, lets lead a normal life again.
bby, no words can describe how much i love you & wana be with you.
bby, u are my everything & will always be.
bby, i will never let you go. never.
bby, how much u hurt me, how much u make me cry, u should know, i love you so much. bby, i pray that we will lead a normal life.
thats all im asking.
nothing much.
pls.

i love you.

2010-05-23T22:26:00.000+08:00

A very quick update.

just gotten back from Bedok. maner lagik nak pergi? & i already miss my boyfriend right now. i guess he is back home missing me already. :'(. sucks truckloads la when u already living with the boyfriend. da macam serasi gituk. & when either one of us were to leave for work ke aper, the other one will feel sad. macam nak nangis gituk. nak cakap, just fall in love tapi kiter da 9 months tau. entahla kan. but what i know, i love my boyfriend too much & i know he loves me too much too.

yes, we fight. yes, we argue. but what i love about us, we confront each other & just be truthful. although sometimes, u just wana hide the truth. but you just got to tell what u have been hiding. & dari situ, everything gona be alright. & you know what is the best thing ever, when u wake up in the morning & seeing his innocent face right besides you? & when u are not beside him when he wokes up, he will search for you. "B...B...." & when he called for you, you already knew that u important in his life too.

& im going to start work tomorrow. that means, no more enjoying days. i really really wana work my ass off. Hari Raya & the boy birthday coming up. so must really save up & buat big big party. & adding to our misery, the boy lil bro is getting married also. blueeekkss. still long way to go for us & bby?

i will end it here la. da lapar. lagypon the boy been waiting for my called. haiz. rindu la tu. blueks.

& i swear, aku mengidam Tong Seng Coffee Shop nyer Wantan Noodles. :)
Goodnight.

Mohd Nizam, Love You La Pendek!

2010-05-20T10:54:00.000+08:00

its frustrating & irritating.

sometimes i think, i give in to you too much. all this while, u kept on hurting me but i just keep everything on my strike. i told myself to be patient with u. but i don't think i can tolerate anymore of this.

i just feel like breaking down & cry.

i know you don't mean what you said. i know you don't mean to hurt me or anything. but for god sake, can u like change for me? i know u are still living in fear because of her. but sampai bila?

i hate you but i love you.

baby, lets just make up. i know everything gona be fine. we just need to put our ego aside. i love you just like 9 months ago. & u know that i need you.

i don't care. im going to his place now. i just missed him so much. :(

2010-05-19T16:02:00.000+08:00

actually theres more... tapi apakan daya kan, i can't upload it. due to some reasons. tu la. suruh amik gambar takmo buat sign sign tanak. mesti nak kena buat. menyampah. hmmppfff. blueeekss.

btw, boyfriend so fat already la.. haaaa!!!

bf told me no need to come over Bedok's Place. tapi aku mendaks giler siak. apakan daya. i don't care. maybe jap lagi proceed sane. aku blei maty siak takder dia. anyway, bby syg..

Happy 9th Months...
(:

2010-05-19T14:23:00.000+08:00

i got exactly 7 minutes to update this post. "LAME"; i know. :)

i need to do reporting by 3.30. macam soyals ah.

a few pictures to upload. i guess i will do it later. -_____________-"
on last saturday outing. the boy's "cliques" of friends having an outing.
& after 9 months of being together, im exposed. haha.
siak. i know.

B. bile nak kawin laa?

haha.

2010-05-10T08:56:00.000+08:00

Lengit Jack, 15/12/2011
Braper Lame TU?!

Cute Kan? Muker DECENT habiz. :)

Yawn. just gotten my ass back from bedok. im so so shagged. i don't know how the boy actually got the energy to work. i told him not to go since it was so far away. but the boy, being as stuborn as ever, still went ahead. & i can't deny that i am so proud of him. he sent me back home first then off to Joo Koon to meet Wak for the job. & he text me just now saying that he make it just in time. Aww~* i miss him already.

we had dis little misunderstanding yesterday. about a girl. i know he took the girl number for his brother. but still, im a girl & i do get jealous okei. but after for about an hour, we are okei. back to the normal irritating couple as we can be. :)

im taking MC today. As i do not wish to Melekat Anjing. plus the boy kept on asking me to take care of myself as his left eye kept on twitching ever since yesterday. now, now, this is what i hate. arghh! i hate living in fear. seriously. sometimes, i just wish when i close my eyes & my problems will dissapear. but then again, fat hope.

ouh yes, on another note, i bought myself this novel. & i swore its hilarious. by my all time favourite author Sophie Kinsella. haha. i kept on laughing to myself & the boy thought i was crazy. he loves to say, "Da terlebih la nie.." k diam b.

ouh, i can't wait for this 15th Okei. Haha....
Bb, i love u so much la sayang...

Cengkung Merbuk.

I Don't Know La, When I Get Thin Back, They Say, "Kau Takmo Macam-Macam... Cengkung Semcm.. Dgn Muker Gytuk..."But When i Gain Weight & Be Fat, "Eyk! Badan Kau Da Naik.. Asal Tak Maintain?? Rabak Siak..."

& i wana dye my hair. Macam Budak Baik sangat la rambut sehitam hitam tdak. orang ader smua fikir aku kental. haha. nak tngk kental nyer? LOLS!

To Think Back,
Its Already Going To Be A Year After My Release. Ouh Gosh.
What A Bad Past Experience i Have In My Life.

2010-05-08T15:35:00.000+08:00

Listening to Achik's Spin Songs & seeing the Video's of him passing away really brings tears to ma eyes. i mean, he was the most handsome & has the nicest voice as far as i know. he has the whole package. and nothing could ever replace him not even Tomok. In my eyes, he was perfect & plus all his song, Jiwang nak Mampos. i remember during my teenage years getting crazy over him. Buying anything that has his face on. Be it CDS, Karaoke CDs, Magazines(Mangga) And his Shows, Helah la, Demi la, i remember, my partner in crime was Nana and Putri but i know no one was obsessed on him like i was... & the passing away of him really shock the hell out of me.

i know. mungkin dah basi, nak masuk sebulan dia meninggal but still, sebak giler tau.
so i dedicate this post to him.
*Al-Fatihah* Achik Spin. Abdillah Murad Md Shaari.
(1982 - 2010)

i swear i will die of boredoom soon. i thought of going back to Bedok. But when i called the boy up, he was over @ his workplace. see, how can i not love him? he works so hard for us. just me, im plain lazy. but i know, i really really need to find a job fast. any recomandations? arghhh.

the boy asked me to go home first. but i don't want to. i will be so lonely. & later paranoid sendiri okei. i hate it. anyway i prefer to be @ my own place. comfortable. but scary la right now, its raining so heavily with thunder storms but to think back, da lame sei tak hujan lebat gini, macam shiok like that the weather so cold. the only blardy thing is, i run out of cigarattes. malas nak tron belik la. dasar aku nie besarkan bontot jek. wakakakakaka.

4 more hours to go. k la. i wana clean the house & siap siap.
i wana go down first & buy cigarattes.

CHAOW!

Never Been Better

2010-05-08T12:41:00.000+08:00

its been a month since i last update. yeah, i know, nowadays everywhere we go its either facebook or twitter. okei whatever. blame it on my stupidity, i lost my iphone. as usual the boy was so freaking furious & i knew he nearly killed me there & then. :'(

theres nothing much to update actually. its just that, sometimes, theres problems everyday but as much as u hated life, when u wake up, seeing the person u love whole-heartedly sleeping soundly beside u, every problem just fades away slowly.

baby, i love u so much. i swear.

8 months & we are still going strong kan bby?

i swear, i will try my best to be a good wife.
forever & Ever, B.

Padan Muker Aku; Serves Me Right

2010-04-12T11:45:00.000+08:00

percayer tak, its the same person???!!!

just gotten back from "Skolah". & fuckin' stupid bad news okei. kena extend 3 to 4 months. reason being too much MC. then i tend to fall sick easily what do you expect sia? body feel so damn weak then go take MC la. Haiz. the boy laughed @ me. Fucking Shittangs. & they nvr even tell me that during this 2 years "bound" that i have signed with them i can't take more than 2 days MC. abih kalau da sakit nak mati tetap nak kena antar air kencing. Siallah. See. all the trouble i put myself into. Sumpah Leceh Nak Mampos.

im still irritated by the fact that my reports were send to the "boss". siaper siak nie CNB nyer boss eyk? can i meet him please? banyak nah songeh. later one day, u got a very sick child then u know what i meant okei. blarrgghhh. aku benci dia.

da takley amik MC lagik. k,k, takpe. kalau macam gini, aku sakit muntah kedara ke, ceret beret ke, tetap aku pegi kasi air kencing aku kat korang okei? arghh, btol susahkan idup aku siak.

dengar khabar-khabar angin about my buddy. remang bulu rumer ku just thinking about it. but i don't know whether its true ke tdak? wadeva it is. to play on the safe side, i told the boy to change his hp number immediately and i wana change my house phone number liao. dangerous to the maximum. seram sejuk siak dibuatnyer.

haiz, to recalled everything back. while i was in there, this thing never came up to ma mind. tapi seriously, the counsellors we had there already warn us about this thing that were bound to happen. memang ah, perit. tapi to think back about those wonderful days we spent inside, its unforgettable tao. cry together, sleep together, laugh together, bath together. bleh raser jiwer. make all kind of promises when we were in there. tapi biler da release, masing-masing busy with sendiri nyer life. for example me, i know im 24/7 with the boy.

(Abih Rambut Smua Satu Pesen... HAHA. DIAMLAH!)

aku rindu korang dohhh~!!

Have A Good Trip La Kan...~*

2010-04-11T20:11:00.000+08:00

went yishun yesterday to pick the boy up. chei, aku macam ader transport gytuk. train pon train la kan, jiwe per. diam lah. then took the bus & off we went straight home. i wasn't in the mood & biase jugak, the boy didn't want to admit what he did over @ yishun. so just one easy sentence for him, "since u want to do things behind my back & doesn't wanna admit, then be prepared cos for sure i will do things behind ur back." so that totally changed his mind, he told me the truth then he was like, "whats the big deal, you pon mesti da tau.." & i told him, "its not about how big or small the deal is, the thing is, honesty. i just wana it to be out from your mouth matrep. abih tak trime? " haa. he did his normal stupid face & guess what i did? TDO la abih taktau. nak ikot dia peh sedap abih aku tk tdo? blueeks.

seriously, fortunately, i, nurul athirah binte mahani is still under urine supervision. kalau tak, hah. anyway, i won't stoop to that level. blueks. i will never risk my freedom anymore. payao beb nak belayar lagik. da belayar takpe, nak gie tempoh lagik 2 tahun antar kencing. sungguh tak sanggupp...

i was fast asleep & still irritated by the boy's behaviour. he wasn't making any sense @ all. malas nak layan. then he woke me up telling me that Vamp who is my pelapar. who is my kakak tersyg boyfriend called me. but i didn't wana pick up their call, pasal sikit ari i paitao them. bodoh kan aku nie? orang ader nak blanje tngk wayang abih tolak. abih nak buat aper sey? boyfriend werking kan, takkan nak jadi tiang lampu. so i told boyfriend not to pick up. boyfriend pon malas, padehal Vamp is boyfriend's cucu. understand? tak kan, takpe. all our friends ader link link nyer. haha. the boy got to know Vamp who is my pelapar from inside. i know kak ash from inside. so the story goes on.....~

anyway, back to track, actually pelapar was being attacked kat Geylang. Sial btol. if only we were to pick up his call. okei la, not me, aper aku blei buat? aku da gemok. haha. if only the boy were to pick up the kol tapi aper blei buat kan? hes over @ TTSH now. kesian kakak aku sorang sorang kat sane. nak teman, but i have to be back home. mendakss.....[-_______________________________-"]

so aunties & uncles keep coming & going off my place, reason being? ayah & ibu will be flying off to umrah tomorrow. Uweeekkkk!! siaper nak pergi tanggunk aku??? arghh!!
will be going to school the first badge tomorrow then around 3 send them off to airport. try my very best to behave. insyallah.

Okie la, till here. Nanti Kakak Update lagik okei? haha.

I Gotta Feeling.

2010-04-10T15:37:00.000+08:00

i have made my decision. & that is too end everything. i mean what was i thinking when i was back to my old path of life. living in fear 24/7. can't set my foot out of boyfriend's place. & every monday is just a nightmare for me. praying & hoping that nothing will ever happen. it just sucks. although quitting is just the same, but still i must stay strong & stick to this decision.

the boy broke down the other day. because he felt that he didn't really take good care of me.he thinks that everything was his fault but it wasn't. trust me. i was the one who make the decision. he really felt it when he saw how sicked i was. how i can barely moved from bed and how sullen i looked. so dear friends, that was the reason behind having me Missing In Action. i was really in that deep shit. & i thank god, i really got out of it before anything worst happened to me.

i have been posting up post, step macam happy but actually im living in fear. & i don't ever want to be back in that fear. it sucks.

the boy over @ Apit's place whereas here i am sitting @ home & posting up this post. it takes up alot of courages. & somehow it will potray how stupid i am. but like what my officer told me, everyone makes mistakes in life. & no one, is perfect. this thing were bound to happen. & im glad i was given another chance.

might be meeting the boy later on @ night. but ain't sure. just see how it goes later on. lagipon aku macam malas seh. =X

the boy came over my place yesterday night. dad & mom was @ home. so yes, he meet up the parents & they like him. so wedding bells soon? i guess so. so dear boy, please save up enough money. no more playing playing okei?

& did i ever mention dat mom & dad going to Umrah this coming monday. haiz. its no wonder everything is hitting back on me. i mean as in karma. all their prayers has been answered. blueks.

okei, enough of me blabering. cooking for myself lunch. & then watched tv. mendaks kepe hidup? i swear i wana work already. tiong la siaks duduk rumah.

& boy, i love you so much. i swear.

:)

ouh, & i miss time tengah taggink so much.

macam nak rewind back time gytuk. [-_-"]

Happy Ending

2010-04-05T09:36:00.000+08:00

So as you now, cik kak kiter just turned 21.*around of applause.* sumpah, i really felt so old. No more young people for me. Da tuek. So sesiaper yg masig mude tu, jgn la step kakak kakak. Menikmati la zaman remaje. Haha. Rakmo teraser eyk kengkawan.

Anyway theres nothing much to explain. Ouh yes, im still living happily with the boy. So takmo sad sad k? Btw, kempunan giler la nk mamam Yoshinoya. the boy malas nk teman. Then the rest keher. Arghhh.. Ouh btw, goodluck untuk bro ku afad k. Harap harap dapat lepas. On another note, im taking mc today. Tak brani kakak nk gie "skolah" niari.

Btw, sesiaper ade keje tempat kosong??

K la till here. Ku raser ku da tk blog lagik. Bkn ape, caught up with life la jiz.

MY MISTAKE

2010-03-24T09:48:00.000+08:00

i received 2 cheque(sp) for my birthday. will be exchanging it with money later on. im so lazy to go "school" later on. i don't know what will happen.

yesterday was just as per normal. i waited for the boy to come home then we went to have our dinner. we walked the other side of bedok south. yes people, we were that bored. when we returned home, he continue to plays the guitar. yes tell me about it. sumbang. haha. i love you okei sayang. (:

yesterday bf passed me his hp. so there was text message. he asked me to read it for him. than deleted off the message. suddenly i saw messages from Afai's girlfriend. Afai's over @ remand now. & okei, i understand the girlfriend messaging with MY BOY but what irrits the hell out of me is when i read one of the message, "fatim kirim salam". now, now, this fatin is the boyfriend ex-girlfriend. & afai's girlfriend bloody hell know that im happily with boyfriend. lagy blei message gytuk. like what the fuck right?

macam smua otak mati. i confronted the boyfriend. then he was like "tak salah per..kawan..nak kirim salam.." well all i can say is, "Fuck you, lau nie macam senang, aku tulis surat kat hakim & since splash wants to meet me, why don't i meet him as well. smua pertalian aku da putus okei. smua kawan per. asal tak kasi pulak?

abih nie fatin pon macam buto miskin. siallah ah, kau da nampak per aku dgn zam. yang nak sebok sebok pasal aper? haa! fikir zam nak bastard aku macam maner dia bastard kau? bukan senang okei dia nak lepaskan aku. lagypon aku bukan pompan biaser macam kau. haha. serious saks. like fucking buto miskin.

abih afai's girlfriend kept on asking zam, whether he is coming down afai's court this friday, nampak sah sie fatin tu tron skalik kan. jangan sampai aku find out eyk, diorang secretly nak planned fatin to be back together with zam. sumpah aku cakap, satu satu nyer muker aku pecahkan. tak takut ah, gangster ke aper ke. nie bukan aku nak gaduh pasal buto tau, nie pasal aku nak dia sedar jadi pompan kan, takmo rossakan orang nyer relationship.

ouhmigawd. i sound so the mina-ish. but i say i do. unlike some...

on another note...
malas nyer nak gie antar air kenching. i just wana sleep @ home. arghhhhhhh~!!

21st.

2010-03-23T11:07:00.000+08:00

so its been decided that the 21st will be just a normal one. macam seeyaks right? i was so looking forward for the chatlet. but what to do? blame it on his stupid buisness. Alright. i already promised him not to bring up this topic anymore. i will not add salt to the wound. but i just can't help myself. i swear i feel like killing him. *yakdush*

i don't know what is going to happen next. will i be outside for long? or will it just be temporary. sometimes, saying itself is not enough. it is so true when they say, angin kat dalam & angin kat luar lain. im still young & sometimes, i hate myself for being involved with this illegal stuffs. & sometimes, i regret. i wish i was innocent. i wish i knew nothing. if only i could turn back time.

Ouh well. everything happens for a reason right? they say, u urself make ur fate. i don't know. sometimes i think that phrase is true. i need to find a job or maybe go to school. i can't keep myself free all the time. dangerous. once im free, than im bored, than stupid things will come to this wonderful head of mine. as u know, my mind is so full of excitement. asik nak enjoy jek. i think i need to brainwash myself.

the other day, me & boyfriend was so bored. we went jalan-jalan @ tamp. then we took the bus home. guess what? the buss passes through the "Kubor Boyan" & my sweetest sin boyfriend decided to dropped down that stop & go explore. it was near maghrib, mine you. tapi this boy of mine is always full of adventure. i didn't actually go near it but boyfriend did. & guess what? as soon as i reach home, my body was so weak. i thought it was just another "ngade-ngade" of my body. & boyfriend also didn't mine that i wasn't entertaining him. i fall asleep while watching Blades of Glory. haha. he was pissed off cos when he fall asleep i woke him up, tapi biler my turn, when he woke me, i didn't even respond.

& guess what? the next day, both of us fall damn sick okei. i went to the doctor because i need to take MC for my stupid "School". & guess what? my body was hot tapi temperature is the normal. the doctor find it weird. so i went home, telling the boy. the boy took half day from werk cos i was so sick & plus he was feeling so weak.
dua-dua makan panadol den switch off. his mom came home & look @ us. she knew something was amiss & so we told he what he did that day.

memang padan ngan muker kiter kena marah. haha.
den his stepdad came by kasi minum this drink than both of us okei already. haha. i told the boy, tu la, next time takmo macam paham.

his working today. im so bored okei. i wana work already la. tiong saks ari ari duk umah. den takder kawan. sesiaper yang tingal bedok tu tolong ringan kan tangan eyk, email saya. & i will get back to u asap. ahaha. carik kawan lepak nampak. blueeks.

on another note, people & human beings will never change. yes, i didn't change & went back to my old ways because of u guys. why? you expect me to change but each and one of you ader change tak? i always repeat this lines to you people, Bile ira kat dalam, janji macam-macam, ira da kluar? satu habuk pon takder. you guys dissapointed in me? guess what, im much more dissapointed in you people. it reminds me on why i choose those wrong paths in life. u guys & ur promises, SMUA TAK BLEI PAKAI. malas ah nak layan. dari kecik sampai besar, janji janji janji, tapi maner smua? takder... why i become like this, fikir la eyk... masing masing for da tuek kan.& everytime, its about them, he or she. u knoe what? it sucks being a middle child tau. MACAM SIALL!

so now, i end my post.

The Last Bits. .

2010-03-06T13:37:00.000+08:00

as time past by, we realise that 24hours per day just ain't enough for fun. kalau duduk kat dalam tu, nak tunggu malam punyer la lame nak mampos, tapi when kat luar nie, punyer la cepat. nauzubillah. tak sempat siak nak buat aper yang sepatutnye di buat.

am supposed to meet up with the boyfriend. but then he wanted to go to his friend's wedding which i don't want to. so he went with his other friends. then i decided to go bugis, then he decided to come along. tapi kan, ira nak gie shopping.. the thing i hate about going out with him is, he is so the cranky la. nanti skejap, da mengamok. so i told him no need to follow. :)

& i wana eat @ ECP lagoon again. the other day me,boyfriend & his mom went there to have our dinner. romantic okei eat by the sea side. & i swore i never love boyfriend that much before. haha. aku tau aku siak.

3 more weeks la Jiz.. & jack coming back home in 2 months time. :)

getting iphone & tose blings blings.
babyyyy u promise... MUACKSS...

won't be updating much. as u know that i am staying over @ Bedok.
Haiyahz. Long Story. Ouh, No Worries, I Still Got To "Skool" in other words, I Still Go To MY Urine Test Regularly. Tak Brani la Nak Abscound.. Scary Shit Sia.. 18 Months, Sit Under Penal Lagyk.. Siaper Nak? Terima Kasih Jek..

Lets Be Clean & Green.
STAY DRUGS FREE MY FRIEND. THE ENDING MEMUDARATKAN. TRUST ME.

Hahahaha, I Know, MACAM PAHAM...
Langgar Troz....~!!

"Kakak Kakak Urine Skrg Bnyk Ksiow Eyk..."
"Correction Pls, Adik-Adik.. Kakak-Kakak Tak Main Uh Eyk Abg-Abg...Diam-lahhh~!!"

PROUD.

2010-02-23T13:36:00.000+08:00

boyfriend over at workplace right now. since im so bored at home. and got extra kachings, went to the community centre & here i am, typing away this entry. (:

as i was walking at the path way under his Blk. i still remember 2 years ago when i first saw him. sumpah, aku tak minat.. only that i know, he looks kiut gytuk but then again, i was so damn into that "thing". hahaha.

Syukur Alhamdulilah, we have reached the 5 months mark in our relationship. & both him & me didn't actually believe we could go this far. No one actually believe that the both of us can stay faithful to each other for this long. for those people who didn't have faith in us, well, im sorry to say or should i say, i am happy to say that we are still going on strong as ever. i don't denied theres up & down in this relationship. sedangkan, pantai, ombak ader pasang surutnyer, aper lagi hubungan percintaan kan? cheeiik...

& i believe since last saturday, his love for me really grow. (:
i swear i can feel it in my toes.

lets just say, i got alot of praises from his "friends" or should i say Adik Beradik. & i swear Bby gained alot of respect(ofcos he already got alot of respect but nie makin "UP").

we went to Apit's Girlfriend Adik Angkat Pit. Boyfriend bring me along since the rest wanted to see me. As usual, there will be critics. what can i say? i may not be as pretty as his ex-wife but i do have the patience & the attitude that no other girl that can have. (:

All the time, praises were showered to me & boyfriend. & i can see the happiness in his eyes. Bcos i know, All his other Adik Bradik were envy of our relationship. How they see, Bby success & having me.. Understanding Girlfriend.. haha... all the way when we were going home the next day bby can't help kissing me & tell me, im the best wife to be ever. then i was like, "WTH?"

when we reached back his place, he was like hugging me & telling me, "Thanks bby, u did me proud..." then i was like, the least i could do, is be matured & understanding. Takkan kau dgn "Adik Beradik" kau, aku nak sebok sebok, nak merajuk, nak show tantrum all. i just do ma own stuff, lagypon, i need to release my stress, tngk laut jek ah, dgr mp3, sorang sorang. lagi best tak btol?

then the others was like, "Ira, Ajar Matair Saya Macam Mane Nak Jadi Macam Awak Ah.." den i just look @ bby & bby smile.

& the best part aper, Bby was inside the tent with 2 of his "Friends", den some outside drinking, saw me sitting @ grass cos i swear there was no other place for me to sit down to, then this "adik Bradik" of his saw me, he was like, "Ehk, Pompan Zam Duduk kat Rumput", then he stand up, clean the sit for me, den he asked one of them to sit instead of lying down, then the guy was like "ASAL?!" den that guy said, "pompan zam tu, duduk kat rumput, kau nak mati?!" den the guy yang lied down tu macam panic ehk,he sat than he say.."Duduk kat Gembes nie....maaf eyk" den i was like... "WOAAAHHHH..." bessttt kan? hahahaha.. i loikeee...

and and.. da jadik, KAK ira la jiz... hahaha~!!
i know the part where kak ira is concern boyfriend buat muker. hahaha. cos i know, he himself can't believe it.

the comments he give to me at the end of the day was, "Ahh.. nie macam ah.. tak macam so&so kena kutuk rabak-rabak.Abih Dorang tanyer, u tak marah ke bile i tinggalkan u sorang sorang abih takder kawan kat sini, i jawab jek dgn dorang, "sedangkan dia duduk dalam takder kawan,dia blei idup, nie saya tinggalkan skejap jek. saya tau la prangai pompan saya." & he kissed me again & he said he love me. haha. diam lahhh~

& tk pernah pernah eyk, he asked me, "b, u nak kawin ngan kiki(insideJOKE)?" den i look @ him, den he was like, "k..k.uchuk nak kawin ngan i?" den i just smile & hugged him.

Ps: Listen To This Somg Lyric. hee.

thanks for eveyrthing

2010-02-14T17:56:00.001+08:00

im trying to be strong to post this entry. as im still irritated & dissapointed with boyfriend. since he is still busy sleeping. i just took this oppurtunity to kluar umah. i don't know what will i get when i reach home. takpe la, da season pon..

its always about him. sometimes i don't think theres fairness in our relationship. lets take yesterday night as an example. he was invited to afai's chatlet. afai asked me along but this boyfriend of mine doesn't wants me to go & he told the others not to bring their girlfriend along. as they got somethig to talk about. so i gave him face & stay @ home with his mom. imagine ek, aku blom makan, i sent him to take his cab since they were paying for him.mungkin kau big fuck ngan kawan-kawan kau..tapi aku aper siak? tunggol? then i told him, to buy me some food as i was freaking hungry blom makan sia. guess what? member tros tak balik la sial.

i so was damn pissed off okei. kalau kau tau kau tak balik kan, asal aku nak pergi club ngan kwan aku smua kau tak kasi? why must u freaking control ma life? sial. kau ader enjoy ngan kawan kawan kau, aku duk rumah? kau pikir aku aper siak? bini kau? kalau bini pon, kau buat aku gini aku matiiii ....kau pikir balik la

abih when just now, he reached home, his trying to be nice & stuff and explain himself. to think back, aku malas la sial nak layan. "Bby i da alik...tk tdo? isap rokok sorang nampak.." & my replied was, "aku da cukop tdo. aku da biaser la idup sorang..." abih dia sendiri bingit... biar la kau raser sial.

aku sumpah bingit giler saks... remembered yaya's pit? i wanted to stay awhile longer tapi aper kau cakap? kau cakap jalan? pasal aper? pasal kau mendaks nyer pasal pastu kau bingit sendiri, kau mengamok tk tentu pasal. siaper jadi bahan? aku? then remembered kak ash's chatlet, i was enjoying maself tapi kau? tak.. kau suruh aku balik pasal aper? pasal kau boring... pernah tak kau fikir pasal pengorbanaan aku untuk diri kau? takder... kau fikir pasal diri kau sendiri..

nie macam aku nak buat laki? aku mati la sial. dgr smua kate kate kau. kawan smua aku buang pasal aper? pasal aku fikir aku nak jalan jauh ngan kau nyer pasal. tapi skrg? ntah ah buat aku fikir dua kali...

tapi macam maner pon, deepdown kau tau kan, aku sayang kau.. abih tadi bile kau cakap, "Bby, Happy Valentine Day Sayang..." sumpah aku cair.. tapi skrg aku nak tunjok kau besar kpale aku.. pasal aper? kau da pijak kplae aku, kau faham?!

O.M.G.

2010-02-09T14:22:00.000+08:00

*dance around* * dance around*

boyfriend going to pay for the chatlet.
& we really can't wait okei.

smua da list down, what to buy & stuff.

his side coming. my friends coming.

macam nak kawin eyk? hahaha.
padehal birthday.

okei la kek... 21 sei... KEY TO LIFE... macam pahammmm~*

tapi bad news aper to?

its still another 1 months & few more days to go..

hahahahahahahah~!

diam la raaa....~!!

plan ahead.

2010-02-07T14:19:00.000+08:00

as most of u know & noticed, yours truly will be turning 21 in exactly a month time.
[-_-"]
da tua sei joyahhh~ i still have not decide yet what present i want & what celebration should i do?

my 20th birthday was the worst.
i remember waking up, getting ready to bath, when my "sachek" came up to me & kiss me on the cheek & wish me, "Happy Birthday". Touching Kepe.. Nangis La, Abih Taktau...
the only present i received was my parents came for visit first thing in the morning. & in the evening, my "personal supervisee" call me up to meet her @ the guard house & on that very day, my birthday present was...."Recomandation For Home Tagging" which eventually i got it in the end. the only YP to received 6 months Home Tagging. :)

anyway, this year, 21st birthday, thought of doing chatlet.. but isit worth it? should i just do it @ home? ntah la joyah. boyfriend say do chatlet. tapi i feel like a waste of money sey. abih nanti by the time malam, smua da minum mabuk then waste the night away kan? tapi bestnyer aper, dapat makan bbq..shiok kan... how leyy? time is running out seik.

as for presents, i don't know what to choose, handphone ke, lappytop ke, digi cam ke, rantai tebal giler peh ke,credit card ke,..ikotkan hati nak mintak KERETA jek, tapi si yours truly nie yang pandai sangat nie, malas nak pergi amik license..~ takder teman la.

k la, right now, i need to list down the pros & cons of each item that i want. tapi kalao nak belik hp, hp aper bagus eyk? ntah lah joyahhh... pening kepale fikirkan~

waiting for boyfriend nyer call... tak sabar okei nak jumpe. i miss him so much. & as much as my parents loves to irritated the hell out of me, i still love them to bits.
"nak kawin, kawin..suruh dia datang.."

wakakakaanggg. amaciam b? brani pe bertengtang mater besama Kamisah Dgn Mahani?
haaa...

MANGKOK

2010-02-06T22:25:00.001+08:00

I AM VERY ANGRY WITH
MOHD NIZAM BIN SHARIMAN.

ARGHHHHH!!

BABI BTOL!

Nothing Else Matter;

2010-02-05T22:43:00.000+08:00

this coming 19th will be our 5th months together. (:
& i am so so happy. eventhough we are struggling each & everyday, im glad that we still hold on to each other. i could never ask for a better boyfriend. so *PUI* to those haters.

he wanted to do surprise for me this 14th. i totally forgotten about Valentine Day. its no wonder he kept on saying, "On the 14th...yada...yada..." cos i was too engrossed on CNY. simply because for that week, yours truly takyah "pergi skola". weeeee~*

since he started working, we spent less time together. i miss spending time with him okei. but everyday without fail he will try his best to irritated the hell out of me. like yesterday night, it was so funny okei. i was asleep, he woke me up then he was like.. "Chakkk....." & i was like WTF SIAK? haha. check check check ngigau, tu la siaper suruh tak cuci kaki lepas alik rumah. hee.

i can't wait for this sunday, infact i can't wait for tomorrow night. i miss him so much. bsok nak bully dia. tanak kasi dia tdo. blueeekkkss.. (:

"Bangunn gie kejer... carik duit gi kawin nizam....."

sap, dua dua bangun mater terbeliak. den he look @ me & kiss me on the forehead.
fuck. how can i not love him?!

on another note,

ayah is dicussing with ibu to but for me that notebook or maybe lappy top. i want sony vaio can? & yes, im asking baby for a new hp cos dat baby of mine wanted to buy samsung preston so me, as the girlfriend pon sebok-sebok, nak jugak, same same. can?

heee.

things are getting better. insyallah. sesungguhnya segala ini adalah dugaan. ku redho..~*

It hurts.. THANKS EYK~!

2010-01-29T20:47:00.000+08:00

as time past by, i don't see myself holding on to this relationship. im so tired of holding on & saving this relationship. but i love him too much too let him go. i can't eat, i can't sleep. think its easy to be in a relationship? think again.

first it was the parents. my parents. yes, surprisingly my dad & mom called him. & u guys should know how freaking strict my parents are. they don't believe in me getting into a relationship at this age & after what had happened. but i thank Allah, my parents does blessed our relationship & so does his mom.

but, the worst has yet to happen...

shits happens. obstacles after obstacles. the one i thought wanted us to be together, actually its the one that doesn't want to see us together. i really wanted to cry upon reading his letter. the one i always look up as a big brother didn't actually really love me or even cared for me. instead he thinks im out to hurt his bestfriend. i wana bodoh-bodokan zam.

aper? jahat sangat ke aku nie? kaki jatan sangat ke aku nie? aku kikis duit zam? seriously kalao nak cakap dulu prangai aku macam sial, than by all means.. but people do change okei, after my release from DRC, zam is the only one i dated with & contact-ed with & inlove with. i learnt how to appreciate MANUSIA... abih kalao nak kikis duit zam? aiyoh, 4 months ago, he wasn't even working okei. macam maner sempit, tetap kiter happy. how his buisness rabak.. how sometimes, he wanted to cry... who was there? & nak cakap aku cocok zam, PLEASE.. i got better things to do.. it was him who make the decision in everything okei. SUMPAH in our relationship, im not shy to say this, but his the one who makes most of the decision.. aku tak pernah eyk queen control.. step zam nak dgr jek cakap aku, ego dia da besar nak mampos..~

anyway, the moral of the story im so happy & grateful to have him although at times, i wanted to just leave him, i know i can't. cos he really meants alot to me and i really meant alot.

god, i am weeping.

you know, zam will always listen to bai as zam doesn't have an elder brother or father to look up to. so he respectd bai & will listen to what bai has to say. but how could he,bai say those things to zam?& my baby actually didn't want to hurt me, so he didn't wanted to show the letter to me. but i forced him to...in the end he end up letting me read that letter. how devasted i was. i just wanted to cry there & then becos i know, zam can actually leave me with just a snap of his fingers. cos he will listen to bai. i want to give up but i can't.. i save this relationship too many times. how we fought? how i make him trust him? remembering all those sacrifices i made.. i couldn't let this relantionship just past by like that... i ahve worked so much.. and this feeling never died once..

after sending him to the poly just now, i was freaking tired, but give him his medicine and apply oil for him on his back. when i was about to put him to sleep, i could see the tears in his eyes. i told him, aper nak jadi, jadi & whateva his decision is, i respect it. once he was asleep, i asked myself...why eyk ramai orang tanak kite together? aper salah aku? aper salah dia? aper salah kiter? i didn't influenced him into anything.

"Zam Aku Tanak Kau Termakan Kater-Kater Pompan.. Kau Takmo Percayakan Sangat Dengan Pompan Kau.. Nie Jek Aku Nak Pesan.."

imagine? u reading those sentences... how would u feel? fuck, after all this while, siaper yang sblah zam? support zam while he was down with the stupid buisness, siaper yang encourage dia? advise dia? sampai hati korang buat aku ngan zam gini.

yes, maybe its true that aku pernah cakap macam maner pon tetap aku sayang kuachai. tapi nie skrg, aku ngan zam da nak masuk 5 bulan okei. we fight, we make up. macam maner he hurt me verbally or physically i still love him. kalao memang aku nak main main kan dia, da siang siang la aku jalan... buat aper aku nak hegeh hegeh sakitkan badan aku, sakit kan ati aku.. tak bodoh tu namenyer?

whateva la. baby's sleeping @ home. im going to help yaya with the food tomorrow. den send her off to ecp den off back to bedok, pick up baby den patah balik ecp for the birthday pit. i just hope & pray.. things will get better..

kalau da jodoh memang tak kemaner, kalao takder jodoh, macam maner pon tak bleh be together tak btol? haiz.. life..life.. manusia-manusia.. sampai ati eyk korang... sumpahh.. sampai ati..

& like what alin says,

"if this is love, trust me, you guys will make it through..."

bby uchuk; i love you more than u ever know..~

All My Life, I Pray For Someone Like You....

You’re everything I thought you never were
And nothing like I thought you could’ve been
But still you live inside of me
So tell me how is that?

You’re the only one I wish I could forget
The only one I’d love to not forgive
And though you break my heart, you’re the only one
And though there are times when I hate you
Cause I can’t erase
The times that you hurt me
And put tears on my face
And even now while I hate you
It pains me to say
I know I’ll be there at the end of the day

I don’t wanna be without you babe
I don’t want a broken heart
Don’t wanna take a breath with out you babe
I don’t wanna play that part
I know that I love you
But let me just say
I don’t want to love you in no kind of way…No…No
I don’t want a broken heart
And I don’t wanna play the broken-hearted girl… No…No
No broken-hearted girl
I’m no broken-hearted girl

Something that I feel I need to say
But up to now I’ve always been afraid
That you would never come around
And still I want to put this out
You say you’ve got the most respect for me
But sometimes I feel you’re not deserving me
And still you’re in my heart
But you’re the only one and yes
There are times when I hate you
But I don’t complain
Cause I’ve been afraid that you would’ve walk away
Oh but now I don’t hate you
I’m happy to say
That I will be there at the end of the day

I don’t wanna be without you babe
I don’t want a broken heart
Don’t wanna take breath with out you babe
I don’t wanna play that part
I know that I love you
But let me just say
I don’t want to love you in no kind of way…No…No
I don’t want a broken heart
And I don’t wanna play the broken-hearted girl…No…No
No broken-hearted girl

Now I’m at a place I thought I’d never be ….ohohoh
I’m living in a world that’s all about you and me … yeah
Ain’t gotta be afraid my broken heart is free
To spread my wings and fly away
Away with you…
Yeah yeah yeah, ohh ohh ohh

stay or leave.

2010-01-26T16:01:00.000+08:00

i need to find a job fast.
boyfriend already got a job & the pay is good.
spent less time together, & i fucking miss him so much
things is not okei for us, but we try our best & thank god everything is fine right now.
i could never ask for a better boyfriend, i love you mohd nizam. (:

courage.

2010-01-20T14:07:00.000+08:00

something came up yesterday night & it makes me wana type away this entry right now. i have been thinking alot of putting up this entry because it may potray me as a bitch. heartless one should i say. but then again, i see no harm of me typing away this entry.

as much as i don't want hurt zam's feeling, i don't want to hurt hakim's too. but i bet neither of them will get to read this entry post by the sweet me. (:

many of those who i have meet me kept on asking me, am i happy with zam? sometimes i will be glad to share the story of us but sometimes i wish we weren't together. i don't know, sometimes i think that i can't really tolerate his nonsense anymore. he & his hurtful words never fail to make me cry. everytime he does that, i will kept on asking ma self, is this i want? & i have answers to my questions. but what really breaks my hearts is when he already did or said something stupid he totally regret it.

just the other day, we were having our normal routine fight, he said hurtful words & i swore that time i just couldn't take it anymore, i just look away & walk away, it took up alot of courage. i didn't knew that he would chase after me after what i have did & what he had said. but he still chase after me, and held my hand tight, sometime forced me to turn my head & look @ his face, there wee tears in his eyes. sumpah aku tak sampai ati. i just smiled & i forgave him..tapi sampai bila saks nak macam gini? aku da malas. aku da penat.

abih macam biaser jugak, right at this moment, guess whose letter choose to arrive @ my postbox? HAKIM la. i feel so fucking guilty but yet, deep down im still waiting for his return. i don't know. i just wish things weren't this complicated okei cos it hurts damn bad. i don't know. i just want to tell the truth to hakim but what if? i don't know la. im still left with 10 more months. haiyahs.

things weren't as easy as before. nie bukan macam cinta cinta monyet. i suker u, u suker i? i love u, u love me, lets be boyfriend & girlfriend. right now its all about commitments. its no wonder some people choose to be single, tak pening kpale tk btol? i shud have appreciate my single life la kan. memang padan muker.. hmppff..makin tuer makin banyak masallah..

tngk la, dia da msg, suruh tron bedok. sumpah aku penatt....~*

k bye!

lazybum

2010-01-19T09:42:00.000+08:00

i should have already left the house by this time. but being me, im still infront of the desktop still bloghoppink & doing stupid stuffs. i need to be @ Clementi Police Headquarters CNB Division D by 1000hours. nak tau asal? pasal smlm kakak kiter yang pandai nie pergi urine bawak specs pastu luper nak amik bawak balik. baguss skalik. specs kalao yang $10 takper, nie $230 Okei. Guess. Jangan main-main. Okie Da Diam.

boyfriend da msg cakap biler nak sampai bedok?! haha. Mati siak if he knows im still infront of this comp. Btw eyk, niari kiter nyer monthsary sei. nak bet brapr? conferm-conferm gaduh nyer. whats new? haha. going for job interview later kat Bedok nyer cash studio. (:
atleast dekat per.. hahaha. tapi dgr dgr the pay mau payao kan. wapucertao eyk, nak go & try jek la. (:

okie la, i think i wana bath already. i still not yet decide nak pakai baju aper?! arghhhhh~!!!

random

2010-01-18T19:19:00.000+08:00

just wana update so that this blog won't be abandoned.

alot of things have been happening.

firstly bad news, boyfriend not using the hp anymore. meaning. im sharing the hp with him & it sucks okei. irritating nak mampos, bukan kawan kawan aku yang kol, tapi kawan kawan dia. hmppff.

secondly, happy 4 months to me & boyfriend. insyallah we can go on. sesungguhnyer aku kadang kadang takley tahan dgn prangai dia. but still i love him. i think. haha. k aku tau aku siak.

den, my urnie da upgrade okei. one week once. abih tak tau *dance around*. da signed paper. actually i was eligible for the "hair" thingy & that will be one month once. but sumpah, dangerous okei. then alots of rules & regulations. canot dy hair, must kept long. leceh nak mampos. so i opted for the one week once. which will be on every monday. i suker sangat...

boyfriend otw to yishun right now, im so happy okei. bcos right now, he report to me. i didn't asked him to. but he will automatically report. reason being he wants me to do the same thing. (:
so i told him the other day, what u want me to do, den u show it to me first, den i will do the same. (:

ouh yeah, and another thing.. Hakim's Letter arrived.. :(

fuck la. i hate feeling fucking guilty okei. :'(

i miss being thin. :(

2010-01-12T17:31:00.000+08:00

how can i not love him? u tell me? he makes me so happy till im so fat. haa!

(:

2010-01-12T12:49:00.000+08:00

i was totally pissed off with the boyfriend yesterday. i didn't want to top-up ma hp but he forced me to, end up he didn't entertain me simply because apit came over his place. -________________-"

memang, ikotkan ati nak cakap jek... "KAO PERGI AH KAWIN NGAN DIORANG!!!!". takut nanti kena sepak pulaks. so just shut up & do my own things. abih nak kluar, dia tak kasi. macam !@#$^* kan? really. & the way he put it nicely, "i takkan control takkan aper, u nak kluar... u blang jek ..." LAN AHH!!

me : "b, org nak kluar jap...tiong saks.."
him : "alah... nak gie aner? duk umah sudah la.."
me : "wth? boring u phm tak?"
him : "gigi u kan sakit.. duk umah rest..."

LANNNNNN~!! pandai saks. i really feel like slapping him hard on the face sometimes. jumpe nanti carik pasal, tak jumpe keep on saying .." B Sunyi saks takder u.. takder org i nak kacauu & membebel too...datang ahhh, i bayar duit cab... k?" tngk ah.. macam maner tak sayang???????????? padehal baru sampai ghim moh taoO. hahaha.

& to think back, this year im turning 21 la. see that TWENTY-ONE, 21. ouhmigawd. da tuek. i don't want. i still wana be young & carefree. bukan aper, makin tuek, makin bnyk masallah.. jadik takder maknernyer... :(

nak kena pikir ini, pikir itu, bayar nie, bayar tu.. eyk siallah... tapi yang the best thing is.. DAPAT DUIT GST... *yahoOo..* tu pon july..alah, asalkan dapat sudahh.. bersyukor.. siaper nak pergi letak dalam bank account $200 kan? hahaa.. diam lahh..

tngk everywhere, either people getting tunang or married eyk, me? still under probation. like how by put it, "b u still under KIV(Keep In View). dgn Mak u da pass, dgn brother-brother da pass, dgn adik i u da pass, skrg dgn kakak i plaks..." Tanak Okei! aku tak rela, kakak dia da macam harimau lapar. sia-sia jek aku kena NGA. nanaks ah. buat per nak ikot ikot org tak btol? biarlah, lagypon kiter baru jek, skrg kadang-kadang prangai each other takley tahan, what makes we think we can live together for the next 50 years? fuyoOooOoohhhh... Lamer tuuuu~*

k la perot pion da lapar. nak masak bubor la nie. :(
ari ari makan bubor. aku nak makan KFC la... :(

2010-01-11T20:16:00.000+08:00

im bored. so so very the bored. i got nothing better to do. & i don't want to go out. boyfriend asked me over to his place but his "friends" all there. i don't want la. later fight. so very the malas okei. (:

might be meeting panjang later on. but don't know la. she not yet text me. or maybe she already text me but its just that i didn't realise cos hp is @ the other room.
my wisdom tooth is killing me okei. im super hungry right now & my throat mintak kena sliced okei, of all the moments, saat saat gini i freaking wana eat something crunchy. tak macam see to th yalz?

arghh. i know i should have just got my butt off to bedok just now. lau tak skrg da kat boyfriend nyer ketiak seh. hmppfff. stoooppiiddd.

i thank god for making me meet him & be together with him. although its not a smooth one, but im sure & hope it will be a pleasent one.

dap dip dup, da nak masuk 4 bulan.

hmmm, i just feel like falling in love all over again with him.
sayannnnnnnngggggggggggggg ~!

Wisdom tooth. :(

2010-01-11T09:53:00.000+08:00

damn. it hurts fucking lots. it started like this.

went to meet the boyfriend on saturday. went to have our dinner den off he went to apit's place den me to alin's place. boyfriend came over & picked me up in the morning & back to his place. i already told him my teeth hurts but me & him, we just ignored it os it happens alot of times before.

so i went to sleep whereas he went to do his stuff. & u know what heppened when i woke up? i can't even open ma mouth. arghhhh. & my cheeks were swollen. i was crying like a baby & boyfriend doesn't know what to do? fortunately mak got home. & still i was sitting down there crying. saket la sial. as im typing this away, it still hurts okei.

he really good take care of me. firstly when to the sinseh shop donnoe what stupid things the auntie gave us. but remember ? i cannot anyhow take this chemicals. urine positive. tak mampos ako? but im really thankful la, as i cann see he really take care of me when im sick.

& i have not eaten for 2 days. aku lapar....!! tapi gigi sakit... macam maner nak makan siak? & add to the sorrows, i ate panadol yesterday, abih taktau niari blei pergi urine ke tak? nak kena declare but how the hell am i going to talk when i can't even open my mouth?

alahaiz. aper la salah aku. saket giler okei. & im running a fever right now. blueekkss...uweeekkkkk~!! mati ahhh giniii~!!!

trying my best. .

2010-01-09T10:36:00.000+08:00

u know the suckiest thing being in a relationhip is that u have to bear with the other half attitude. nak tinggalkan sayang tapi nak continue sakit hati. what should i do? sometimes i think he doesn't appreciate me @ all.

the worst part of all, our surroundings all hypocrites okei. he called me up just now & whine to me about "them" but at the end of the day when i say what i have to say, i get scolded. at times like this he still siding with them. sometimes i just wish he will think ahead in years to come not just 2morow or next week.

i kept on holding this relationship cos i know its worth but as time past by. . . i got nothing to say. it hurts me deep inside...i feel like giving up all together. but whenever im fucked up or irritated with him, he knows how to make me smile. i don't know. i hate this part.

whenever im alone, i told myself that im better off without him. but when im with him, i just want to be with him & no one else. but why am i feeling this way? isit because the words he hurts me really destroy our love? or isit just me?

typing away this post & looking over @ pictures just makes me wana weep. i miss him & i know he miss me alot too. but what to do? "FRIENDS" in his life are far more important than me per..~

/edit.

after finishing up the latest entry. i kinda feel kinda guilty. i miss him so much & i think im frustrated because he says he missed me but @ the same time his over @ apit's place. so its like, wth right?

ChaChaCha.

2010-01-06T23:10:00.000+08:00

Baby's out to Apit's Crib. As Usual Boys Night Out As He Have Been Spending Quite A Lot Of Time With Me. See, Where Do You Get Such An Understanding Girlfriend? im letting have him own sweet time. & at the same time, i might be going out with dearest titi since im so freaking bored @ home.

& iman being such an ass. i mean what more does he wans? he got his ps3, he got his iphone abih nak menyibok main nie computer which is phathetically only one. seriously, darah naek la siak. aku nak main skejap pon da memekak. suar kannn.

Ouh, i went for my usual routine just now. & i got back quite late. reason being, just now got operation. so, as i was waiting for my results to be out, i saw quite a handful of people & mind u, im the only girl okei because cik ira nie ksiow, suker datang lambat lambat. & i found out that lelaki skrg pon kpo okei! haha.

don't know la just now don't know what mood this cnb interview me somore. he say i look good. not as in pretty la, tapi muker nampak baik & don't play this kind of thing. haha. just smile @ him & told him i regret. i know he felt lik slapping ma face. haha.

fuck ah. how tonight wana sleep? boyfriend don't have. who want to stroke ma hair? :(

haha! ngade-ngade. i know. blueeks.

anyway, The Song Over My Blog Is Baby's Favourite Song.
& Whenever He Dance, I Swear I Could Melt..
Matrep Habiz... Ouh Sorry Da Bukan Eyk . . .. . abihh....?
haa. diam lahh~-

i miss him already.

2010-01-06T18:27:00.000+08:00

am supposed to work today but paito-ed again. didn;t have the mood la to go work. all staff macam mendak plus boring. i don't like okei.

anyway me & baby went wdls yesterday. he said he wanted to meet his friend. so together me & baby took the bus from bedok to wdls thn off to meet bob first. den we went towards this block. as we were walking, i told babby, "eyk i pena amik kat sini dulu. wuan..." den bob turn, and bob was like, "ahh. dini name senget." den i was like, btol ah wuan senget! haha.

so me baby & bob meet the not so tak betul wuan. haha. its been so long. & i bet wuan shocked to see me & baby. haha. after that we went 888 plaza. then the big fight started. baby kept pushing me away & hurling hurtful words to me. mind u, its not the first time & i really swore, i nearly walk off yesteday. i felt that i really couldn't take this anymore. its killing me.

so i just cry & follow him. . . he kept on asking me to go away. . & trust me, its tempting to fucking just walk away & sumpah, i feel like slapping him fucking hard on the face. but i kept my cool. i know him, he always says words that he doesn't meant to & at the end of the day he quite regret it.

& when we reached bedok back, ouhmigwad..it was hell okei. . really. i couldn't take it anymore. but i think of us, i think of what we have gone through. when we reach back home, mak was already there. i know he can't shout @ me infront of mak. so he was back to normal. mak saw me crying & asked me why. i told her it was nothing. i went to take the foolscap paper & wrote down what i want him to know. & i know he felt damn guilty about it.

so when he put me to sleep. he hold my hand tight & stroke my hair. kiss my forehead & he told me he love me. that was enough. & im glad that i didn't walk away. because i know this relationship is worth saving for.

& to think back, Hakim Might be release in 11 months time.

Ouh Dear.

blast

2010-01-04T14:24:00.000+08:00

halo. halo. its been awhile since my blogger has been abandoned. :)

im killing time waiting for kak riana to text me then straight gie urine. air kencing pon da nak terkeluar nie.

just got back from boyfriend's place. i missed him already. shithead.

ahhhh...i donnoe what else to update sei.

da macam otak mati. pasal no pictures. :(

blueeeeeekkksss

HAPPY.

2009-12-29T12:09:00.000+08:00

im feeling as contented as ever. i don't know why. eventhough i swore theres alot of shits. but whenever i text the bf " Bb, :'( :'(" he will straight away call & make me smile. i don't know why la.i just hope this will stay & maintain okei. its already been 2 months, nak masuk 3 month.. im really scared shits will happen dooOhh...~*

other than that things have been great. he will always be my bag carrier. haha. da belik tros nanti dia bawak. okei, theres one point of time when he freaking irritated while we were on the cab, he nearly left me behind okei. tapi aku tau, tak sampai hati. like what his bro says, "Zam nie Baik hati...tapi nak kena break through the first shell .." haha!

ibarat macam durian ah. kpale pisang. i don't know la why. bnyk bnyk orang, its him. haa. bring him everywhere got meet my friends, they say stick with him. don't hurt him. den follow him go everywhere, thats also what his friends told him. sometimes we also find it weird la. & kalau he mad @ me, don't know automatically i will pujok him till he okei, he also the same.. macam automatically.. kalao dulu, tak kuaser sei..
haha

ntahlah jiz... lain sakkks dini... haha..

*yakdush*

hoping meeting him later. but bf nie craky basterio.. nanti jumpe jumpe, carik pasal. nanti benda aku buat buat smua tak kena, cukop time aku mengamok dah nanti dua dua tak bobual ngan each other.. tapi nanti ader jek la, salah satu buat benda bodoh buat each other ktawer den baik baik semule... hahahaha! blueeekksss

suker sangat aku biler dia senyum macam gytuk...~!
haha. nie pon time dulu still working @ pizzahut. Fuh, Dia Peh Jiwe Datang Teman Time Break... Hahahaha!

& popeh is so scared of him. & i still can't forget the converstion he had with popeh. sumpah me & lin were laughing our ass off.

Pohpeh : Uncle... asal kuching tu bising?
him : ouh, pasal kuching tu lapar..
Pohpeh : Ouh.. Lapar Eyk.. Asal Dia Lapar Uncle?
him : Pasal Dia Tak Makan Tu Pasal Dia Lapar..
Pohpeh : Asal Dia Tk Makan Uncle?
him : Pasal Takder Makanan...dia tgh carik ah tu..
Pohpeh : Suruh Dia Gie Kedai la cle..Belike Makan...
him : *speechless*

Makin besar Muke Makin Degil Kan!
HAHAHAHAHAHAHA!

a post using wlan by nokia e51

2009-12-28T23:37:00.000+08:00

im over @ granny's place & am m0re b0red than ever. Bf sleep already. Guess he is too tired la. Haha. Hoping to meet him 2morow after hes d0ne with his w0rk. . Rindu la d0h. . Haha. .

Blogh0pped a little just n0w. Didnt realise skrg got alot of mcm paham yp ehk. .k la,d0nt wan menti0n names,dulu aku p0n mcm gytuk kan. Jadi taklei salahkan. Frankly, rindu pulak time time 'fana' ehk,but then again,tak mendatangkn faedah,instead buat malu ade lah. . Hee. . Ku tau ku b0bal mcm phm. . K da diam. .

Apape Lagy ehk nk bl0g,hmm,padehal tadi ingat tau. .skali lupe plakz. . Maklumlah stm kn sejak semenjak nie. . Ouh, now i remember,tadi mcm biase p urine,padehal da plan nk jumpe kak nez pegi urine same2 first batch. Skali ade setan gem0k ah duduk kt atas badan. Nauzubillah, susah sngt nak bangun so i text kak nez go urine petang nye badge. Skali suey2 tadi punye la ramai,haiz . Terpakse la duk luah,newbie la katekan then got this ahbeng and dis 'abg2'. . Yg sie ahbeng tu blei tahan hawt ah,abi yg 'abg2' tu tok with me tapi tk layan,reas0n being officer kt dlm tgh cui. . Nasib baik tk layan balik,if n0t,dgn aku-aku skalik kena. . The officer was like 'who ur toking to?!' den yg 'abg2' tu ckp, he c0unting the days to his payday. . Yg ahbeng tu tr0z tersengeh. . Aww. . Kiut ok. . Tapi tkleh menang uchuk ku la. . Haha. .then after everything da finish,nk tukar pass tu, sengaje jln laju2 kon0nye nk attract attention ahbeng tu la. . Cuk0p time dia stakat senyum,ankat tangan mcm lambai gytu n angguk kpale. . Haha. .

K.k. Ku tau ku mcm xiak. Tapi sumpah,aku only wan my uchuk k. Hehe. . Nasib baik dia keje. .lau tak,cnfrm tunggu kt luar gate police stati0n tu. .haha. . K la bf terjage, den he asked me to sleep. . Assalamualaikum kwn kwn. . Goodnight. .

BLESSED.

2009-12-28T18:35:00.000+08:00

so many many things have changed. & i don't deny that i changed too. i think for myself first right now. but sometimes, i hate it. i don't like to be that way but at times, i just have to. dey say, "tlg tkmo pentingkan diri kau ajek.." & when i reply, smua tak trimer, "Kalao aku tak pentingkan diri aku? Siaper nak pentingkan diri aku? krg? HAA!" i have enough of ppl stepping on my head. this time round, its my turn to lead the game. (:

anyway, after i really cut my taggink, all i do is shop shop shop. boyfriend nearly dropped okei. haha. funny la he, biler time malam jek kan, grumpy-cranky bastard. haha. he will followed me everywhere, imagine this eyk, from bedok to tampines, to amk, to wdls, den yishun den off too bedok back. haha. okei, okei, siaper tak mengamok kan? haha.. but thanks to him la, i got everything that i want already. (:

don't wish to continue working @ my cuzzin's place. menyakitkan ati. anyway to think back, it ain't worth it.. 12 hours of work only 50 bucks per day. phathetic kan? i think i going back to pizzahut. haha. like what bf say, "chey, patah balik nampak.." haha. & i will slap him hard. BLUEKS!

k irritating i know everything is me & boyfriend, me & boyfriend.. haha.. what to do kan? IN LOVE MAhhHhhhH~*

ATLAST. (:

2009-12-16T00:28:00.000+08:00

i seriously doesn't know how to start this. okei.okei. let me slapped myself first. *yakdush*. ehek. fnally, after a year, i finally got my freedom back. & no one really knows how it fucking feels right. okie, let me just slap myself one more time.

haha. i still can't believe the fact that everything is over. i need not chase after bus or trains. boyfriend need not call the cab & forced the taxi drivers to speed back all the way to ghim moh. i don't need to torture myself working everyday like a dog & get little pay. & i can blog. (:

woah. dap dip dup. a year has already past & i just waste it like that. but then again, this is life experience. although it sucks truckloads for me. it will remind me, never to do it again on whateva circumtances.

i just wana take this oppurtunity to thank this few people.

first & foremost my parents.
for everything. seriously, if without them, i wouldnt be typing this away. i guess i will still be rotting myself inside. hahahhaa!

siblings & aunties & uncles & cousins.
for supporting me. for understanding. for encouraging me.

& reny.
for making me meet him. being with him.

& to him,
for understanding. for scolding cab drivers so that im not late. & for loving me for who i am. (:

i could never ask for a better boyfriend. (:

anyway theres actually lots more pictures that i wana upload. but i exhange my hp with the boyfriend for the meantime, reason being his phone is E51.. & i can log in the net. haha. but sadly, no usb cables for me to upload the pictures.

then again, lately, i could never ask for a better life. i mean theres shits & stuffs but i just have to be patient. seriously, Allah Sayang Orang Yang Bnyk Bersabar. & im glad cos both of us are working. but seriously, working time, clash habis. (:

but, we still spend time on weekends. (:
i loike okei. we cook together. haha!

yeah. yeah. yeah. let us all pray that i will never go back to what i was.

blaaarrrrggghhhh.

anyway, i will only update once a week. because im not staying over @ my place instead im staying with the cuzzin. much nearer to ma workplace. (:

till then, i will blog again