hi! good evening. it seems like forever since i update on my blog. life seems pretty down. i got no one to blame but myself. i choose this way of life and i must accept the outcome no matter what it is. im matured enough and my age is old enough for me to make my own decisions. sometimes i wish i can never grow old and face with lots lots of problem. the most suckiest part is, im facing it alone and i got freaking noone to turn to. so what i do? i do thinks that i don't expect people at the correct mind would have done.

i know, i hurt my both my parents so bad. but they have never given up on me. but still loving me and treasuring me as though im such a precious gems. at times i hate myself for hurting them each and everytime. i hate myself for choosing this path of life. no one would have understand me and the one who could understand is in the same position as i am. we are helpless.

at times i would think to myself, isn't it easier to just waste one life away. end everything,closed eyes, last breath. but i still do have faith. i still do have a religion. at times i tell myself, im not strong to face this, to go through this all over again. then i think back, then whats the whole point of having a religion and faith? whats the purpose. yes, life may sucks right now, but its all because im doing something that is not good that is why all the bad things are coming back to me, in a way or another.

i leave it to him, Allah to put things for me. for now, i raised both my hands and ask for forgiveness. :'(