something came up yesterday night & it makes me wana type away this entry right now. i have been thinking alot of putting up this entry because it may potray me as a bitch. heartless one should i say. but then again, i see no harm of me typing away this entry.

as much as i don't want hurt zam's feeling, i don't want to hurt hakim's too. but i bet neither of them will get to read this entry post by the sweet me. (:

many of those who i have meet me kept on asking me, am i happy with zam? sometimes i will be glad to share the story of us but sometimes i wish we weren't together. i don't know, sometimes i think that i can't really tolerate his nonsense anymore. he & his hurtful words never fail to make me cry. everytime he does that, i will kept on asking ma self, is this i want? & i have answers to my questions. but what really breaks my hearts is when he already did or said something stupid he totally regret it.

just the other day, we were having our normal routine fight, he said hurtful words & i swore that time i just couldn't take it anymore, i just look away & walk away, it took up alot of courage. i didn't knew that he would chase after me after what i have did & what he had said. but he still chase after me, and held my hand tight, sometime forced me to turn my head & look @ his face, there wee tears in his eyes. sumpah aku tak sampai ati. i just smiled & i forgave him..tapi sampai bila saks nak macam gini? aku da malas. aku da penat.

abih macam biaser jugak, right at this moment, guess whose letter choose to arrive @ my postbox? HAKIM la. i feel so fucking guilty but yet, deep down im still waiting for his return. i don't know. i just wish things weren't this complicated okei cos it hurts damn bad. i don't know. i just want to tell the truth to hakim but what if? i don't know la. im still left with 10 more months. haiyahs.

things weren't as easy as before. nie bukan macam cinta cinta monyet. i suker u, u suker i? i love u, u love me, lets be boyfriend & girlfriend. right now its all about commitments. its no wonder some people choose to be single, tak pening kpale tk btol? i shud have appreciate my single life la kan. memang padan muker.. hmppff..makin tuer makin banyak masallah..

tngk la, dia da msg, suruh tron bedok. sumpah aku penatt....~*

k bye!